Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Calm Assurance

Lord God Jehovah, please hear my prayers??? Sweet Jesus, deliver my prayers on high, remember my name. My Lord, my sanctuary, there is no other God before You.

Steer me in the right direction, mark my path that I might find my way to Your Light. With the passing of each new day, I stand in the face of my fears. Satan is having a field day with me, heavenly Father. I seek Your face. I seek Your comforting arms. I seek Your face Jehovah.

I don't want to die, not just yet. I mean, I am not afraid of the process of death, I am simply terrified of leaving my children so very alone. Please Master, hear my cries. Please dearest Lord, hear me plead for the time to plant the right seeds. Allow me the time to undo all the bad and show them the way of Your blessings.

I ask You Jesus to command Your Angels to be posted by my family's side to guide them and keep them all safe. Let not Satan win this battle. Yes, this battle has been fought for so very long. Many times he won, sad to say and my family crumbled around me. Lest we forget Your many merciful blessings, Your precious Grace towards me and mine, give me time to lead by example, to affirm Your presence in our lives and work within these acts of faith. Let me have the time to give glory to Your Name. I will shout it from the rooftops.

Merciful Master, I ask for Your healing touch upon my broken body. Refresh my very spirit and please not allow me to die, giving Satan the win in this War. I've realized what a powerful soldier I was in his army. I did so many unspeakable things. I've been so ashamed and made low. My own family sees me as unforgivable. But the secret is that I am aware that it is just another tool Satan uses to kill me, mind, body and spirit.

No, he must not win this war, waged against myself and my family. Bless us and keep us, dearest Lord. Shine Your Light and show us the way. We are but blinded, deafened and made dumb. Now, give us ears to hear the truth. Remove the scales from our eyes so we might see the truth. And give us the words, wisdom and wherewithal to glorify Your Holy Name.

I seek Your face with such fervor. Stay close to me, my Father. Do not allow me to slip. Catch me as I fall. I know if it Your will, it will be done. May Your kingdom come soon. And again, I beg You to remember my name and save me from the final silence of death.

I praise Your holy Name and I give You thanks for the many everyday and ordinary blessings. So many of us tend to over look these simplest of blessings. I never want to forget or to take it all for granted ever again.

I am truly blessed, I am aware of it and so very thankful. Praise You Jehovah, praise Your holiest of Names. Amen & Amen

Friday, July 15, 2011

Dear Jehovah

Lord, my kind and merciful Master, hear my prayers.

Heavenly Father, it would be so easy for Satan to win here. My own parents, whom I had the greatest respect for, have simple cut me away like a wart. This is not the first time, thus I should be used to it. But how do you get used to not being able to share your love, your life with your own Mother? You don't.

I ask you Jehovah to forgive my sins. I ask this fervently and I also ask for the courage to continue on. You know my heart, my Lord and you know my intentions as well as my intent. And so I turn to you for comfort and understanding. I run to you for calm assurance.

So many times, sweet Jesus, I have wanted to lash out and hurt them as they have so easily hurt me. So many times I wanted to tell them just how I have felt and what I think of their so called Christianity. I do not understand their way of thinking or their method in this madness. I know this much though; it is not based on Your Word, Lord.

So, sweet sweet Jesus, my salvation rests in You and I pray that You will be merciful. I pray that you will heal this family, this crisis. As well, I ask that You place Your Angels beside each and every member of my family, especially my grandbabies. Let Your light shine in their lives to guide them safely through this ever hastening latter days.

Yes, it is You Jehovah that leads me to still waters. I hear Your voice in the midst of it all. Stay with me and guide me, instruct me and help me lead my family to seek Your Face. I praise Your holy Name Jehovah. Amen & Amen

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Black Sheep

My Lord & Master,

Hear my prayers, deliver them to my Father. Forgive my many sins, transgressions, out & out pain filled undertakings.

I need You more today than yesterday. I appreciate You more today than yesterday. As I grow in
Your Word, I begin to realize just how utterly lost I have been. But...now I am found.

You sent Your Angels to my home, these so despised "Jehovah's Witnesses," and what a gift this is/was. I fully understand now just why they are so despised. It is because they speak the truth and nothing but the truth. Their doctrine, proven time and time again, to me is based solely on Your Word. Satan does not want us to hear the truth thus they are despised so readily. If you think about it, he really knows how to play the game...but with one less participant...me!

I know that Jehovah has erased my sins as I have pleaded with Him for forgiveness. My Lord, if nothing else has a thing for weight and measure and for Justice in that respect. Therefore I know that He has weighed my heart and soul and knows that this pain I still endure is true and real.

Non the less, though it appears that forgiveness is everlasting, it feels unattainable, at least for me. This is my every day battle, my spiritual warfare. And my continued battle is to remember that forgiveness is mine too, not just every one else's.

Regardless of what my very own family might have me believe, just as Satan would have it, I do realize that forgiveness is mine, if only with the Father. It makes me realize the pain and burdens I caused and visited upon my family. Yes, it is a constant reminder of the consequences of my actions.

But for the life of me, I can not fathom my own family cutting me from the root of their family tree. How do you throw your own child to the wayside so easily as they have done? They have done this to me over and over for more than 35 plus years.

They see themselves as righteous church goers, the very foundation of the MIA. They will speak to the masses, write all the books, teach all the people all about my Lord...all the while, their own house is not in order.

In my darkest hour, they were pious. When I'd needed them most, they shut the door. Within my pain, they kicked me when I was down. They rubbed salt in my wounds...once again.

No, I do not understand the "Disposable Child" theory that they so blatantly practice. As well, I do not understand their form of Christianity. And if their kind of Christian behavior is any thing I am to emulate, I want nothing to do with it.

Since I was 12 years old, I have been thrown out with the garbage by my own family. I was in the way of their perfect appearances and stubborn. I wear my faults, always have. I admit my mistakes, my sins and I wept openly over them.

It is all to no avail because their is no understanding and certainly no love and forgiveness for the likes of me. Why is this, I ask myself. Well, for one, I call a spade a spade. Secondly, they can not look at me and not see the damage they have done, the pain they have caused not to mention the abuse they so willingly inflicted.

Yes, after you've thrown your budding daughter out of your home after you've ripped all of her clothes from her body and bloodied her legs simply because she still loves her own father, I imagine it's hard to stomach when you decide to become righteous.

It's no wonder I am the messed up individual that I am.

I am the Black Sheep. It is slimming.

Heavenly Father, help me to forgive them as I'd want them to forgive me. Amen