Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Only Answer


My Lord and Master, how can I possibly thank you for making possible the impossible? I recognize the empty file that should have been full, brimming with my history, bad blood, bad deeds. But it was not there, the slate wiped clean. I thank you for the reprieve, a pardon I do not deserve. You are a gracious and loving King and I feel your blessings. That is and was a miracle in itself. I am so thankful and so very aware.

Forgive my sin, Father and allow me the strength to do what I must. I so badly want to walk in Your Light. Give me the wisdom to lead by example, the strength to carry on, carry through. Help me sweet Jesus, I need you now. My family needs you now.

There is an air of dissension and I don't know how to stop it. Let the truth rule, my Lord and allow his heart to be calm, be still in confidence. Let the youngest realize before it is too late that he is flirting with disaster. Keep him safe, please my Lord? I fear for him. Let him begin to understand that all this does not serve him. Let him begin to understand that the measure of a man is not, can not be what he has seen. Let the damage be undone. Let him begin to realize that the measure of a man is not just how hard he works but what he does with his family, the reason he works. He runs because he has such a hard time facing a sick son. He runs because he feels so frustrated, his hands are tied. Allow him to realize that his only answer is to rely on You. The answer lies in his faith because he must know that You and You alone are and will always remain his only hope. Let him begin to see that he must go to You, my King, bow down before you and beg for his sons life. I see how, I see now, how and why you use this child and his sickness. It will be to Your glory, my sweet Lord, will it not? Yes, You are the only answer to his suffering.

Allow the other son to realize that now is the time to man up. Let this be a joyous time, with the news of a baby to be born to my son. He is afraid and he does not know where to turn, what to do. He is stuck. Give me the words, allow me to plant the seeds in his heart that will allow him to proceed, to do the right thing by his family. It is time. Let him work through this self loathing so he might rise above it all, his fear, his shame
. It can not go on any longer as it is. I pray that You might spur him on and give him the strength to do what he must. Again, my Master, you are the only answer.

Comfort the oldest. Let him get past his pain, shame and forgive his sin. I plead for his life my Lord. Hear my prayers for this kind and gentle, loving and good hearted son. Forgive him, forgive me if it is wrong. Show me the clear and definitive answer as I continue to give him unconditional love just as he has given me. Let me not encourage what is wrong. Quiet the storms in his heart and mind. Guide and comfort him my Lord God. Let him see as well that You are his answer.

Allow me to be the Matriarch of this family. Thus far, I am failing. Give me strength and wisdom as they lean on me. I pray for these mothers, may they do right by their children, may we break the chain of sinful behaviors. Allow me to remember that they watch me for answers. May I remember that I do not have them but You do.

Lord, it's all culminating, coming to a head and I am so afraid. Give me the words and wisdom for these Doctors to hear me and help me. I feel as if I can not go on like this much longer. Something must give. You are my only hope, my only answer. I praise Your Holy Name my great and powerful King, my Answer. Amen

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