Thursday, October 23, 2008

My Fervent Prayer

I stood at the foot of the cross. I could not even look up, there was such shame. A drop of blood fell upon my face...

My Lord, my Master, please have mercy upon me. I dig my own holes, I know this. I am weak but you are strong. Please hold me up and help me. Please forgive my many sins and let me live. Don't let this get me, please.

Place it upon their hearts to know my intention. Warm their souls to my plight. Please do not allow me to fall over this. I am scared, I am paralyzed with fear. Give me the strength to just get through this.

I believe you know my heart, no, I know you know me. You can see into the dark recesses of my mind, my heart, my very soul and You know how I struggle with this. What a mess. Show me the answer, show me the way. Please do not allow me to fall here. It is so dark, I am so afraid. Hold my hand, please Great and powerful King.

Place it upon her heart and mind that she holds the key to my immediate future. Allow her to know my fear and not condemn me for it but to understand. I am so very afraid. Please my Lord, you know my suffering, you know my pain. I am sick of being sick. I am tired of living this way. Please come to my assistance as I know only You can. You alone, have the power to place this upon her heart, this understanding and need. It is very real, too real, too painful.

You are an awesome God, You are my only God and only You have dominion over all this. Please my merciful Master, come to my assistance. I praise Your Holy Name...

Each new day is wrought with fear. I do not want to live like this. Forgive me and move these stones. Take away the sins of the father and the mother and allow my children to no longer suffer for what we've done. I realize and embrace it all. I am remorseful and I recognize the err. Bless this family and allow them to walk in Your light as well. Forgive them for what they did not know. Forgive them for the things I taught them, forgive us all and begin the blessings. Take away the sickness, manage the mental pain and anguish we all have and let us work through and move past all this garbage.

Forgive my selfish heart? Forgive my addiction? Tell me it will be alright, my Lord? Show me what to do. Give me the wisdom and knowledge to be this Matriarch, the good Mother and Grandmother. Let me lead by example and allow my past to be just that. Please heal me, my Sweet Jesus. Mend this broken soul and erase the black from my heart.

Do not allow him to win. Guard me, my Lord. Place Your Angels around my family, all of us. They attack us, they want to hurt us, they want to break us. Please do not allow it. Mend this family, please? Only You have the power to do all this. I ask all this in Jesus Name. Amen


Doug and Lori said...

Sweet Babz-
I continue to appreciate your honesty in prayer! I am praying with you my friend! Miss ya!

Doug and Lori said...

I spent time praying for you last night my friend! Thinking of you!

Babz said...

Lori, You are such a good and continuous friend. Your prayers are more than appreciated.

This problem with pain management I have is exhausting not to mention how they make you feel, especially when it comes to meds. I truly hate taking them but rather loathe the feelings involved; feeling like an addict. I am very much dependent on these meds and feel trapped, enslaved. Satan plays on my guilt for being weak, sick and in need of meds. Long story just don't know how I truly need, want and appreciate your prayer.

God Bless You My Sister!