Monday, June 23, 2008

Interview With God

Interview With God

I imagine this has been around for some time but it was my first time seeing it. Isn't it nice to be inspired, even with a few words to put life back into perspective?

I spoke to my, soon to be 10 year old granddaughter, Kassandra for the first time in almost 9 years. I was nervous but am more than thankful to hear her meek yet charming voice. Youth, stubborn youth had kept us apart.

Kassandra is my youngest sons first born. Waylon and Amanda were a mere 17 years old when they became parents. They were young and spirited and of course too young to become parents. Need I say more?

When Kassandra was born, I was clean a matter of a month plus, from a long term addiction to opiates. The damage was done though and the focus was not on my clean time but on the things I had done prior to getting clean. I can blame no one but myself for this. All the best intentions in the world, mattered not.

My son Waylon and Amanda grew apart. They fought constantly. At that time, I had answered charges against me in Pa. for Obtaining a Drug by Fraud (I forged a prescription) and was being held, made to stay in Pa. for the duration of my sentence of Probation. I had a little apartment, which I shared with my oldest son, Lee. More often than not, Waylon called it home as well. He and Amanda had been at odds for some time. After Christmas, Amanda had her step-dad drop her and baby Kassandra off to visit us. I welcomed the visit.

Amanda had lived with us before and we had become actually close. Unfortunately, I took her along on drug runs as my addiction clouded my judgment terribly. Yes, Amanda saw way too much but I gave her credit for her spunk and she had so much heart. She was fearless. I considered her as my daughter-in-law and a friend, a close friend. Even though her and my son could be at odds and she was not blameless in their ultimate demise, I always took up for Amanda. Quite actually, I wanted her to be with my son. See, I knew she loved Waylon with all her heart. They say that a boy looks for a girl closest to his Ma to marry. Amanda was so much like me except she was basically a good girl. I not only liked Amanda but I loved her like a daughter. Thus, I encouraged them both to work things out. It was not to be...

My beautiful Grandbaby, Kassandra was born with Cystic Fibrosis. I was incarcerated when she was born on August 4, 1998. I wasn't released until Aug.31st and was not allowed to leave the State of Pa. They'd not diagnosed Kassandra as yet, when I received the call that she was in the hospital, in Jamestown, NY, a half hour drive from the little town of Warren, Pa. where I resided. I snuck up to N.Y. to visit my grandchild for the very first time. I held her in my arms, for the very first time, in a rocking chair, in her hospital room. She was beautiful and it broke my heart, this little baby so sick with an I.V. in her tiny arm. Was it maturity that allowed me to see my own eyes in this little girl? I'd had three sons and never really noticed my own eyes in any of them like I noticed them in her. It was the oddest thing, now that I think of it but it was actually the very first time, maybe an actuality only afforded to Grandmothers?

Kassandra was still little, the very last time I saw her. It was that day when they were dropped off at my apartment. The problem was that when Amanda hopped out of her step-dad's truck, she'd left the baby's meds under the seat. In order for Kassandra to even eat, she'd have to have her Pancreatic Enzymes. At that time, if she didn't have her meds before she ate, she would usually vomit and easily apsirate or get formula/vomit in her lungs causing an easy case of pneumonia. It was a crisis, in my mind. We couldn't get a hold of her step-dad or anybody else for that matter to get those meds brought down to us.

I worked myself into a frenzy as I used the pay phone downstairs, in front of my apartment building. I'd not talked to my ex but found myself, devil may care, calling him for his help. Amanda had more meds at her house and by this time, it seemed an emergency. My ex offered his uninsured, unregistered vehicle. He'd throw some old tags on it and I said I would drive it, on the back roads, all the way to where Amanda lived in Jamestown. My ex rode along, us both worried but unhindered in our quest.

I kissed the baby good bye, outside of Amanda's home. She felt it best to drop them off instead of going with us for the half hour drive back. I think you could have probably cut the stress, in the air with a knife. I imagine I would have opted for staying put, at her home myself as all this had the elements of a horrid scene from a really bad play. It would be the last time I would see my grandbaby...

I guess all things happen for a reason and I do not believe there's any such thing as luck, coincedence or magic but for the life of me, I could never fathom the fact that at that very moment in time, a Chautauqua County Sheriff Dept. Deputy would be coming up the same little traveled back road as myself. I had no license and the car was close to being barely road worthy. I saw him heading towards me on the opposite side and I speeded up trying to get away as I saw him turning around. I took a right turn, on a side street and pulled into a driveway hoping he'd go right past. He didn't and saw me pulling in right behind me. next thing you know, I was arrested and issued 7 tickets. It was off to jail.

My boss bailed me out and I ended up owing him most of my paychecks for several months. Once released, I had to report to Probation and explain to my Officer why I was in N.Y. without permission not to mention the 7 tickets. I never cared too much for this particular probation Officer but even though she gave me hell, she must have had some semblance of understanding as she could've violated me on the spot.

Possibly, I'm not the brightest bulb but if I had to, I mean if that situation was today...I'd do it all again.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I Wish You Enough

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure of her flight. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, 'I love you and I wish you enough'. The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom'. They kissed and the daughter left. The motherwalked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'. Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'. 'I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said. When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?'. She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone'. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. 'When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them'. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory. I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting. I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye. She then began to cry and walked away. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them. Only if you wish send this to the people you will never forget and remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.. If you don't send it to anyone it may mean that you are in such a hurry that you have forgotten your friends. TAKE TIME TO LIVE... To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH (Courtesy of my good friend Bratlin)

Monday, June 16, 2008

My Prayer

Yes Lord, so much to be grateful for...

My son Waylon, in Iowa has been untouched by all the horrible flooding in his area. I pray for comfort, guidance and quick response to those in need in that area. I can't imagine suddenly having to deal with my home and possessions under water. So much to be thankful for, so many prayers needed. Selah

As well, Waylon's son, Austen who has Cystic Fibrosis has been doing well. He's a little "Tank" as they like to call him. He's gaining weight, eating well and seems to be doing fairly well. I can already tell that he's such a blessing to all around him. Waylon has his old job back and even though he's working 72 hours a week, it's better than not and if he's working it's less time for him to "find trouble" right?

Bill, my middle son is going for a marriage license tomorrow. He will be my first son to marry, his blushing bride, Halena. They'll actually celebrate their 11th year together on the 18th. They're shooting to get hitched on that day, the 18th of June. Believe it or not, it is not Bill who didn't want to get married. No, Halena felt it would change things or alter their relationship, a superstitious unfounded thought process. But Bill has wanted to marry Halena for forever and I do believe he will be happier than a pig in poo, lol. I graciously welcome her to the Moore-O'Dwyer Clan.

Lee has moved from Dubois and is within a 25 minute drive from me. This is a super positive step forward for him. He has had a hard time seeing the forest through the trees but I'm more than willing to hack every tree, if need be, for him to smile again.

I'm loving life when it comes to being surrounded by my kids and grandkids. I spent the early afternoon with my granddaughter, Jessie and her daughter Toryanna. We went to Pizza Hut and had salad.

I pray that sometimes soon, I get to see my youngest son, Waylon and my new grandson Austen. My life would be complete. In the mean time, I can certainly be grateful for these small minuscule moments of love, laughter and family. Thank you, my sweet Lord!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Am I A Fireman Yet?

My Father was LT. O'Dwyer in the Arlington County as well as Fairfax County Virginia Fire Dept. He was my hero and I wanted to be just like him. In my old age, this made me cry.

In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukemia.

Although her heart was filled with sadness, she
also had a strong feeling o f determinat
Like any parent, she wanted her son to gr
ow up
& fulfill all his dreams. Now that was no lo
nger possible.

The leukemia would see to that. But she still
wanted her son's
dream to come true.

She took her son's
hand and asked,
'Billy, did you ever think about what yo
u wanted
to be once you grew up?
Did you ever dream and

wish what you would do with your life?'

Mommy, 'I always wanted to be a fireman

when I grew up.'

Mom smiled back and said, 'Let's see if we can
make your wish c
ome true.'

Later that day she went to her local fire

Department in Phoenix , Arizona , where she met
Fireman Bob, who had
a heart as big as Phoenix ..

She explained h
er son's final wish and
Asked if it might be possible to give her 6

year-old son a ride around the block
on a fire engine.

Fireman Bob said, 'Look, we can do
better than that. If you'll have your son ready at
seven o'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make
him an honorary
Fireman for the whole day.
He can come down to the fire station, eat with us,

go out on all the fire calls, th e whole nine yards!

And if you'll give us his sizes, we'll get a rea
l fire uniform
for him, with a real fire hat - not a toy -- one-with the

emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.'

'They're all manufactured
right here in Phoenix , so
we can get them fast.'

Three days later F
ireman Bob picked up Billy,
dressed him in his uniform and escorted him

from his hospital bed to the waiting hook
and ladder truck.

Billy got to sit on t
he back of the truck and
help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven.

There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day

and Billy got to go out on all three calls.

He rode in the differ ent fire engines,
the Paramedic's' van,
and even the fire chief's car.

He was also videotaped for
the local news program.

Having his drea
m come true, with all the love and

attention that was lavished upon him, so deeply touched Billy, that he lived three months longer than any doctor thought possible.

One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse, who
believed in the hospice concept - that no one should die alone, began to call the family members to the hospital.

Then she remembered the day Billy had spent
as a Fireman,
so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be
to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition.

The chief replied, 'We can
do better than that.
We'll be there in five minutes.
Will you please do me a
When you hear the sirens
screaming and see
the lights flashing, will you announce over the

PA system that there is not a fire?'
'It's the department coming to see one of its finest members one more time. And will you open the window to his room?'

About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its l adder up to Billy's third floor open window-------- 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy's room.
With his mother's permission, they hugged him and held
him and told him how much they LOVED him. With his dying breath,
Billy looked up at the fire
chief and said,

'Chief, am I really a fireman

'Billy, you are, and
the Head Chief, Jesus, is
holding your hand,'

the chief said

With those words, Billy smiled and said,
'I know, He's been holding my hand all day,

and The angels have been singing..'

He closed his eyes one last

(This is true, according & Truth or

(Courtesy of my Granddaughter, Jessie, the prettiest one named Jessie)