Monday, April 07, 2008

My Prayer

Heavenly Father, I've been lost,walking through an abyss. You did deliver me and I am so grateful. I need guidance and direction, my precious Lord. Please show me how to proceed.

Things are so different now. On one hand things are better, on the other, strained. I never meant to hurt my Sister with this move. I've been damned if I do and damned if I don't. There seems to be no happy medium.

If I hurt my Sister, I want to make amends. I've been told I should apologize to her. But other than doing what she pushed me to do, what she insinuated, I don't know what I am to apologize for. I want to be a better person Lord. Show me the way, show me what I am to apologize for. Yes, I can put my pride aside and apologize but I do so want to be genuine in that apology. Thus, take the scales from my eyes so I may see what I've done.

Family is important to me, more important than pride itself. I will apologize but I can't if I don't know what for. Show me the path you want me to take, oh Lord.

In addition, I feel a bit of pain, I am a bit hurt myself. I do realize that I had a hand in my Sisters pain and heartache. I put her through it. When I fell, I fell hard and I pray for forgiveness. But I did apologize then and it was heartfelt, it was genuine and painful. I feel they want blood and will not appease their appetite until they have it all. I do not want to be bitter, nor unforgiving myself. I am not ungrateful, as I was told I am. I was however, quite lost and I hurt so bad it was almost irreconcilable. It almost ended my life. I can not allow anyone or anything to take me there again. I can not allow the guilt to eat me as it was.

You know my heart, sweet Jesus. Show me the way, let me walk in the light. Hold my hand, my old friend, my Lord. I wish to be pleasing in your sight. I want you to know my name and I do not wish to bring you shame. Yes, I do so wish to be a good daughter, one you are not ashamed of. Please help me by imparting the truth on all sides.

Yes my sweet Lord, I no longer wish to be stubborn but to simply understand. Show me the way as I am more than confused.
I ask all this in Jesus' name. Amen


Doug and Lori said...

Babz, very sorry to hear that you are going through some really hard stuff. I just got through praying that God would give you wisdom, that there would be forgiveness and reconciliation, and that you would see God's grace through this. Thinking about you tonight my friend! Love,

Babz said...

Doug & Lori, I appreciate you and your prayers. I've been kinda lost, struggling a bit, in one sense. On the other hand, I do enjoy being here with my son, his wife and grandkids. Spring is coming and I hope it will renew my faith as well.

Big Hugz

Doug and Lori said...

Hi Babz,
Thanks for your honesty- I love that about you.
I will pray that the Lord would encourage your heart and draw you to Himself.
Glad you are enjoying being with your son, his wife, and your grandkids!