Thursday, January 24, 2008

Daughter to Mother Conversation

I wrote my Mom an email. She'd inquired about Austen and his well being. As well, she asked how I was doing. I wrote;

I truly appreciate your inquiry and am so fond of the fact that you care, ask and pray for your Great Grandson. Austen is better than he was but coughs just terribly. Iowa City called Gwen, yesterday. They'd been in a conference call with CF and MRSA Specialists from several states. He apparently has an extremely rare form of Cystic Fibrosis and they're betting that Waylon has the adult form. I'd never realized it before but I agree.
They are trying to get Austen to one of three states, to one of these Specialists for consultation, study and aggressive treatment.They will put them up in a Hotel, pay for air fare and meals, etc.

One of the specialists is in NYC and Waylon told Gwen, she says, that Waylon is hoping it'll be the NYC Doctor so we can visit. He told her he needs to see me as it's been 3 years too long. He also stated he wanted so badly for me to meet and hold Austen. I want to play with his feet and hold him tight, imprinting my soul, faith and calm assurance on his soul. I want to hold him and pray to The Father that he sees this child. I want to shout it up on the roof, "Biddy on the Rooftop." Soon to be a musical, hahaha!
Somehow I believe that God is working in our lives. Well, I know it is answer to fervent prayer. I mean, isn't it kind of cool that you have specialists behind the scenes working on his behalf. I've prayed that he does not remember the poking, prodding and his tears of pain, screaming, as they took blood from his head. Poor lil guy, huh?

I also pray that people just fall in love with him, their hearts warmed for cause and effect, action and reaction and motivation to help this child and to treat him as one of their own. My heart is nearly broken and I need to hold him tight.
I am fairly well and still kicking, (Sounds like Grandpa, huh?) almost as fine as frog hair. My Surgeon has stated that he can not do my surgery. He's saying it is "more than a specialty affair." He stated, as well, that elbow replacements are rare but I am, as he says, "An excellent candidate and I rarely recommend that."

Dr. Kenneth Kamler is a renowned microsurgeon and yet he's not done or worked on an elbow such as mine, he said. He showed me(Lee went with me as well) the X-Ray and pointed out a spot where I've grown the "largest bone spur he's ever seen." He says that he would recommend that I find a surgeon that might remove that first. "It may help with your pain." He said that he could see why I was in so much pain and reiterated that I have no cartilage or synovial fluid, it's bone on bone.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

In the Hospital/My Prayer

My Grandson, Austen, is in the hospital again. His mother, Gwen, said he wouldn't stop screaming and she knew something was wrong. They admitted him, last nite. Today, they did a spinal tap. The poor baby cried so terribly, she said. At 3 months old, this child has gone through way too much. I pray that God heals his memory and he will not remember all this poking prodding, IV's and so on.

My God is an awesome God. I know that he is the Great Physician and has the power to heal this child. I pray that he will make Austen comfortable and allow him to breathe.

Can you imagine how it feels, the anxiety that goes along with not being able to catch your breath? I pray that my Lord, gives Austen calm assurance. My faith dictates that God is moving in his life and it is all for a reason. But I am praying for some hard core intervention.

May the Angels flutter around him. May they entertain him. I plead the blood of Jesus upon this child. I plead and beg you, Oh Heavenly Father, to intercede and take away this anguish. Take away this pain and sickness. Lord, if this child must have Cystic Fibrosis, can't he have the bare minimum of symptoms? You have this power my Lord.

May they look upon this child and know that it was you that healed him. May it all be to glorify your name. You are the one true God, it is futile to even think of anything greater than You. Yes, my Lord, I come to you now. I come to you asking for healing. I come to you and ask that you open doors, to get Austen in a safe place. I ask you to minister to his weary mother and show her what to do, to help him. I ask that you give the Doctors the wisdom to help Austen. I also ask that you keep all evil away from this child. He belongs to you and they test this.

You are wonderful and glorious and I sing your praises. When I called just now, the report was that Austen was improving. I thank you so very much Lord because I know, it is only because you've touched his little body.

You are my Master, I come to you and you only. You are the only answer. The resounding fact is that this child will perish without your help. Come to him now, Sweet Jesus and lay your hands upon his little body and heal him. I ask all this in Jesus name. Amen

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Prayers Needed Please???

2 Tim 1: 7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

My youngest son, Waylon calls him, "Little Man." This is a picture of my newest Grandchild, Austen and the little man is so very sick.

He's already been diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis, the second child, of Waylon's to have the disease. Kassandra, Waylon's first child, my first Grandchild, was diagnosed back in 1998, shortly after she was born. What are the odds of my son, meeting two different women, in entirely two different states, that both carry the gene, as he does, for CF? It has to be an act of God. It must be for His glory and I will accept no other answer.

I want to stomp my boots and shake my fist, at the heavens, in my frustration. I must remind myself that it is His will and there's got to be a reason. As I wrote to my Mother, with her inquiry, as to Austen's health and weight;

"Austen had lost weight, in the hospital but a few days ago, he weighed in at 15.2 lbs. and is 25in. long. He's doing crunches to sit up already and is very strong. The WIC office advised her to put him on baby food already, especially cereal mixed with his formula. He's on a lactose intolerant type formula.
I just spoke to Gwen, she's in the car, headed to Iowa City, to the Children's Hospital where they will admit Austen. She is fit to be tied. Wam's boss wouldn't let him off work to go with her, to the hospital. They're Muslim and I hope Allah slaps him down, lol!
She began to cry, she's so scared and doesn't want to do this by herself. She wants Wam to stand up to these Dr.'s. I let her know that she's not alone, that God is there with her. I told her to have faith and that I don't believe that God is doing anything that will not be to His glory. I have gone to God and we talked. He will use this to His glory, I know and I do not believe he will push me over the cliff. It would and I've told Him to please not test me there, I can not do it. As well, I've always prayed that He not test me, in that capacity with my children. Austen almost died on the 17th. Things have changed and Waylon is a different man. This child is closest to his heart, I can tell and he wants to do the right thing by him and Gwen. He's matured, even as of late, I can tell. I had prayed for this. Wam has had me in knots, before. I mean even as of recent and it, along with other stuff pushed me to the edge. My heart was breaking. I feel too much.
I told Gwen to look right at the Dr., when he walks in the room and as he's standing there, she is to pray, that God uses him/her as a vessel, a tool of healing and wisdom. I am claiming this child, he is a child of God and all things will be for His glory. I will not accept anything else, nor any other explanation or answer. I will stand my ground at the gates of hell and claim this child. Satan will not win this one. These very words are testament to this. Words are powerful, writing them is powerful. I write this and stand on them...Austen may have a diagnosis of CF but he will overcome it and the people will say "Wow", look at the power of God. I stand on these words.
There has been enough calamity in my life, enough for 10 people. Through out the years, long cold years,, I can/have been beat down, raped, stabbed, almost killed, gone through so much physical and emotional pain but I will fight for this child. I will pray unceasingly."

Last night, Gwen, Austen's Mother, called me late, I was sound asleep. She was so upset as she'd gone to get the prescribed meds, for Austen, from the drug store. They couldn't fill a particular med, one which deals with the heavy mucousy secretions. The drug, a major player in his recovery or even stabilization, is apparently not covered under Medicaid, in Iowa. What kind of crap is that? I want to know?

Gwen had called the Children's Hospital, in Iowa City, where she'd been earlier in the day. This was the hospital, which prescribed the med, in the first place. A Doctor got on the phone and she told him, she'd been there, earlier in the day. He said, "I know all about it and Austen, so what's your question?" he had a nasty tone, she said. She explained the situation and asked if he could help her? Again, with a condescending tone, he stated, he could not help her, she'd have to wait till the morning and that's that.

Gwen is 24 and this is her second child. As of late, she's been wrought with pain and fear, had hard times to go through, besides this situation with Austen. Another story all together, Gwen's had her share of trials and tribulations, as of late. She'd had enough, she was breaking down.

Through the midst of all this, I must remind myself that God does not give us a spirit of fear. I must constantly remind myself of this as I too, am feeling the strain of Austen's condition. I'm not there, a further frustration and feel as if my hands are tied. I am very claustrophobic and that tied up feeling, would love nothing better than to rip my heart out. "No fear Babz, no fear."

Gwen began to cry, breathless sobs, I could feel her fear, her pain. "I don't want him to die. He almost died on the [Dec.] 17th,"she said, so hurt and afraid. I told her, that I did not believe that God was going to let Little Man perish. I then went on, to explain, what I have tried to tell my sons, myself; "We are given an endless long distance calling card. Call Him up." I explained that just as any good father wants to hear from us, not just in our times of need but within our everyday joy and happiness, we must share all things with the Father. "If you had a child that only called you when they were in trouble or needed help, you might begin to become frustrated, now wouldn't you?," I asked. "I mean, you'd want your son/daughter to call when they were having a good day. You'd want them, when you sent them a little gift, to call you up and thank you, maybe even if the gift wasn't that big or bold, you'd hope they'd take the time, to be thankful and let you know, right?" She agreed, sobbing gently as I went on,"That's what it's like with the Father, He just wants to hear from you, every day, through the good and the bad. I let go of Jesus' hand before, I realize that now, I thought I could do it all myself and ran off on my own. Jesus didn't let go of my hand, I let go of His. Gwen, take hold of His hand and don't let go. Envision right now, your hand in His."
She agreed, her sobbing a reflection of her broken heart.

"He's going to be alright. You make that call in the morning. I know you're upset,you're out and out pissed off. But you call them up, make them aware that you can't get his meds. Don't take "NO" for an answer. Now, I want you to be assertive, even though you feel aggressive. You get more bees with honey, than vinegar, right? Now, we'll pray for your calm assurance"

I pray for my family and Austen. He's such a good child. Even amongst his struggle to breathe, even as sick as he is, he still coos and smiles. He has such a good disposition, they almost don't take him serious.

Austen has, CF, Respiratory Syncytial Virus(RSV) and right now, Bronchiolitis and Pneumonia in both lungs . He's a sick little boy.

Yes Lord, he can have all this, this diagnoses but I stand on the fact, that you are The Great Physician and you will attend to this child, yourself. I stand on the fact, with faith in hand, that You will have mercy, on this child. You are a merciful God and I believe this. I stand on the fact, that Austen is a child of yours, heavenly Father and you will not allow him to suffer. My faith dictates that there is no other answer. My faith dictates that you have all things in hand. My faith is large enough, deep within my being, that I know there is no other God. You are the King of all Kings, my Lord and Master. Who shall I go to, with this problem? It is only you Lord, whom can take this child's hand and heal him. It is only you Lord, there is no one else. I pray that you give these Doctors wisdom and warm their hearts to help Austen. Yes, Lord of all Lords, you have the power over all things. Allow this to glorify your Name and from this moment, this day, this minute, let it edify Your words, that I need only ask, seek and I shall find, knock and the door shall be opened. Sweet Jesus, I am knocking and I need only to touch the hem of your garment. I visualize holding your hand. I have faith that this very minute, you are beginning the process of healing. I believe you will clear this babies lungs and not allow it to scar him. I believe and will always believe that he is a child of God and you would never allow him to senselessly perish. I have the faith, the wisdom and belief that I need only to ask for your divine intervention. Allow the Spirit to envelope this child. Allow the Spirit to work on his behalf.

I beseech you, my precious Lord, to rain down, your blessing upon, Austen Cody Moore. May Your Name be associated with this little baby. When they meet this child, will they always feel lead to assist him, on his journey towards good health. You are an awesome God, a just and gracious God. Now, let it be written in stone, that if I can give my life, for this child, take me now. Explode my heart but spare this child, this wonderful child, they call Little Man. I ask all this in Jesus' Name. Amen and Amen