Saturday, May 26, 2007

My Prayer

Lord, give me a moment of my life that has joy. I have been beat down, for so long. I ask for a time, where I may undo some of the wrong, try to make it right, to teach my children, the important things. Give me this time, please Heavenly Father.
Forgive me for all the things, I taught them, forgive me for harming my children and teaching them so many bad things, habits, traits. Give me the time to try to rectify the situation. Give me the means to do it. Let my book become successful, so people will understand and see, the other side of the coin. I want their eyes to be opened to compassion, empathy and understanding. Let it be successful and reach the masses. Then, once I have their attention, I will write of my Spiritual Journey and they will see that it was You, that held my hand and guided me through the fires. It was You Lord, who tempered me, tempered and taught. Let them see this. Let them let go of their religion and doctrine and focus on your will, not that of a money hungry and controlling church. Let them understand your will for them to have a charitable heart. Let them begin to see that you want them to love and see people through God's eyes and not judge. Let them begin to understand, that if they do not understand, they must pray for wisdom and understanding beyond what they see and judge.
Give them ears to hear and eyes to see. May the scales fall off. Let me be and help with this. Give me the time and help me to use it wisely.
Give me support Lord by placing your Angels around me and mine. I ask all this in Your Name. Amen


The King's Shepherds said...

My dad (not sure what name you know him by: Terry, The Falcon, Krechnik Knight, etc) sent me a link to your site and I enjoyed looking through it very much. He has asked me to be praying for you and that I will!
What type fo book are you writing?
My hubby and I's blog if you would like to check it out is:
In Christ,

Babs said...

Lori, your Dad and I did not start out on the best of terms but we sure grew to respect and value each other. In turn, I can not tell you how really wonderful it is to hear from you and for your prayers. I mean this and of course I will come visit. put on a pot of coffee.
My book, is my biography. A law professor/criminal attorney is writing it, right now. It will tell the story, of my life, from riding with the Pagans MC at 14, through heroin addiction, prison to the present. I also worked as an undercover agent. It is a tell all and I hope it will garner understanding of how a life can stray because of drugs, drinking and abuse. I'll make sure you and your Dad get a copy, ok?

The King's Shepherds said...

Wow Babs...your story sounds amazing. When your book gets out, I would love to buy a copy and read it! Sounds like you have truly been through a lot. I cannot imagine. What can I best pray for you for right now? What you prayed for yourself in this prayer?
That is special that even though you and dad did not start out on the best of terms, you grew to respect and value each other. I too respect and value my dad. :)
P.S.I'll put on a pot of coffee for you, but is it okay if I make some tea for me? This girl loves the smell of coffee, but can't stand the taste. ;)

Babs said...

Lori, yes, I'll enjoy a cup of tea w/you, it'd be a nice change, lol! I would love to GIVE you a book, when it comes out. They are predicting a Best Seller but only God knows. I appreciate your offer for prayer. Pray that I not lose aim as to what the true mission is and I not lose my way. There's a lot of evil, I must recall, remember, taste all over again. It weighs upon me, you just wouldn't believe it. But I may have gone through all I have, to get to this point, where I may convey just what it's all like. The pay off will be, for me to be able to hand a nice check to my children and for people to find some understanding of addiction domestic abuse and on and on. I am very pleased that you so unselfishly offer up prayer for me and I won't forget your kindness.
Yes, your dad and I quickly realized, we were both sharp shooters and we'd best behave, lol. We found respect and a kindred soul in each other.
You take care and here's a big hug!

The King's Shepherds said...

You are so sweet to want to give me a book Babs, but I made sure to say I wanted to "buy" one because I would be honored to do so! I would love to hear your story and to help in your desire to see people understand the truth about addiction to drugs and alcohol, domestic abuse, etc.
I am so grateful that you are willing to go back and experience those hard things again in order to educate those around you. I can imagine that it really would weigh on you. I pray that the Lord would strengthen you as you walk through those very hard memories. May He help you to grieve those things Babs.
I love to pray Babs and it is an honor to get to pray for you. Your story touches my heart deeply.
No doubt you are probably dealing with lies from the enemy as you go through this process. I pray that you won't believe what he says about you and that you will continue to be able to forgive yourself for the past.

Babz said...

Lori, you words alone, are pure genius of spirit. Your exact words are what I needed to hear. You don't even know but I am struggling right now with it. It is what I wanted to do this. This writer is so fired up and serious and yet, I am struggling and yes, there are lies and deception from the adversary, every day. Your words from the Spirit, will spur me on and give me hope. I am eternally grateful and will certainly remember.

The King's Shepherds said...

Hi Babs,
I wanted to share a great quote with you that has been so comforting to me in the midst of grieving hurts from the past.

"Coming to love your own life requires you to believe that the past was God's will, that the already completed chapters were ultimately written for both His glory and your participation in His redemption."
-Dan Allender

As you know some of my dad's story, you might have guessed that there were some really hard things in my childhood. As I was talking to my mom not too long ago, she was really struggling with past memories of my childhood. We had a wondeful conversation that revolved around the above quote Babs and I think it will really encourage you to hear a little about it.

First of all, I am sitting on the opposite side of you and my parents...I am sitting in the shoes of a child who went through a lot and has some wounds from my parents because of it.
The neat thing about the quote that I shared with you above and the neat thing my mom and I got to talk about in our conversation was that God has used the ways in which she and others have hurt me for His glory and for my participation in His redemptive purposes. One example I shared with her is that God has given me this huge heart of compassion for other's around me. I will tell you Babs what I told her, if I didn't experience the pain I did as a child, I doubt that I would be the compassionate and loving person I am today. God used those wounds in order to build me into a woman that He can use for His redemptive purposes.
I also look at those year's and my mom's alcohol abuse and can see how God is using that for His glory and my mom's participation in His redemptive purposes. She has such a loving and caring heart for those who have walked in the shoes she has walked. I see her help tons of people through her forums who would not be helped if she was not an alcoholic.

I know Babs that you feel grief over the past. You need to grieve that...but at the same time know that God was and is using all of those hard things for His glory and your participation in the redemption of all of creation!


The King's Shepherds said...

P.S.The reason I shared that I am sitting in the opposite shoes, that I am sitting in the shoes of the hurt child is so that you can hear this truth not just from the perspective of someone who has gone through what you have gone through, but so that you can hear it from a the shoes of a wounded child. I hope that this truth means all the more to you because of that.

Babz said...

Lori, you are such a wise young woman. Your words are Spirit driven and you can not begin to know it comforts me, your words, as I am dealing with hurting my children. I was a hurt child myself and now can see just how badly I may have wounded them. But they do have forgiving spirits, thankfully. It is Satan, that would love to make it worse and keep the wounds festering. I must be aware.

Your quote was awe inspiring. I believed that but had read it so eloquently put. I thank you for that.

I pray that our God uses you in a mighty way. You have the perspective I have now, yet you are so young that by the time, you are my age, your words will and can inspire the masses. I pray for your continued wisdom and understanding. Give them the perspective to understand what they can not. This is your mission, I just know it.

Again, I thank you, you are a gift.

The King's Shepherds said...

I suspected you might have had a hard childhood yourself. I know both of my parents have too. That has helped me so much in my own healing process as I have looked at what they have gone through as a child themselves. I know that in light of their stories, my parents did the best job they knew how. It seems like be a wounded child yourself has given you even more perspective now on your children. Speaking of your children, I am so glad that they have had forgiving hearts.
I do think it is even harder sometimes to forgive ourselves for things than to forgie others. I know my mom would agree with this too, as she spent years trying to make up for everything she felt that she did wrong.
I think it is hard to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing truly any of us can do to make up for how we have hurt others. We so want to find a way to make up for those things! Sometimes it feels so much better to us to try to earn someone's forgiveness than to just accept their forgiveness as a free gift. We feel like we don't deserve the free gift and need to make up for it. Yet that is what is so amazing about the free gift of forgiveness is that we don't deserve it and yet they have chosen to give it to us!
I am so glad you liked the quote Babs! Thank you so much for your encouraging words and your prayers!!!

Babz said...

Lori, I loved the quote enough to put it on my sidebar.Thank you, it will serve as reminder.
It's funny, as you mentioned, my children forgiving me, well, this is a big hurt piece in my life. When my children were little, I di everything I could to be the perfect Mom. Then, I lost my mind, I think. As I do this book and recall all this crap I put my kids through, it is very hard to forgive myself. But I ask for God's forgiveness, especially knowing that it is so bad to hurt a child. But Satan just loves to throw it all in my face. Once I ask for forgiveness with true intent, I am forgiven but don't you know, Satan would have me believe that I must feel bad about it all. It is one of his tools against me. When I sell this book, it will be cathartic but my greatest joy will be, handing my 3 sons a nice check and telling them to use it to make a difference in their lives. It doesn't make up for it all but I will laugh at Satan, all the way to the bank. That's not what it's all about and I'm hoping that this book will be healing process for both me and my kids. I hope it will help others as well.
Again, I thank you, Lori, a true friend!


Babz! I saw the quote on your sidebar! I have it up on the whiteboard in my office and I also have it on my email. It has been a great source of encouragement to me this year.
You are so right, Satan doesn't want you and I to believe that we are forgiven. Something someone once told to me that I really liked is that when you start getting those thoughts about the ways you have hurt your children in the past, say "thanks Satan for reminding me of what Christ did on the cross for me!"
Yes Babz, you are forgiven! Even when your emotions, or memories, or Satan tries to tell you differently. It is such an awesome thought that when Christ died on the cross, He died for all our sins...past, present, and future. As ladies who have relationships with Him, all of our sins we have ever and will ever committ are already forgiven. Even just writing that makes me be in awe of what He has done for us! Today when we ask forgiveness for our sins, we are in essence thanking Him for already forgiving us of those things. I have needed a lot of forgiveness over the years and I know I will continue to....I praise God for His unconditional love and grace for us Babz! I know you do too!
Let me pray for you this morning...
Father God, thank You for Your precious daughter Babz! Thank You for how You have called her to Yourself and worked so much in her life. Father, I pray that You would continue to heal both the wounds she still has from the past, and the wounds of her children. I pray that You would use this book she is writing as one of Your means to do that. Thank You for giving Babz the desire and courage to write it even though dredging up these hard memories is far from easy. Father, continue to remind her of Your forgiveness of her and enable her to forgive herself. You know Lord how hard this is for us. I am so grateful that Babz has You Father and that she does not have to do this in her own strength. I am so grateful too that You are right there by her side as she walks down this hard path towards healing. We need You Lord! In Jesus name, amen.

Babz...may your day be a good one!
P.S.I checked out your mom's blog! It was exciting because I didn't know she was your mom until I read about you on her post. It is very obvious that she is very proud of you!