Saturday, March 03, 2007

You've Got A Friend

The post, prior to this one, really made me think. There were six of us, who went through the Interferon treatment for Hep C. I became close to several of these girls. Two these girls had Hep C and HIV. Now, how awful is that? We were in the first group of women, to receive treatment in the State Correctional Facility; Prison. My friend Lisa and I started at the same time. We walked through the fire together. We both worked the whole time and complained to each other, just how bad the hardship of enduring this whole treatment in prison, actually was. Lisa was also a Heroin addict, like myself. We both enrolled in the "In House," rehab, a six month sequestered addiction counseling program. I dug in and took it as a life and death situation. It actually was, just that, as I am certain, I would have died from the heroin or the crime and life that went with that addiction. I studied hard, took it very seriously and became closer and closer to my higher power, God. I now realize, that this was an opportunity, not given to everybody. At the time, you could not have persuaded me, that this was all for my own good. No, I was walking on hot coals, breathing sulfur, in the pits of hell.
You come out of Prison, one of two ways; Bitter or Blessed. I was the latter and better for the experience, for the most part. But this Interferon, coursing through my system, felt like it was killing me. I was so sick. I could hardly hold my head up, as my white blood cell count plummeted and my hair fell out. I became very angry and could only feel for myself. They threatened to take me off the treatment, if I didn't eat, get my weight up and my white count. I knew that I would have gone through all that for nothing, if they discontinued the treatment. I'd already seen my husband, die from Hep C, back in 1989 and it wasn't pleasant. I wanted this treatment to work. I prayed and asked for the strength to get through this. God heard me and after six months, my blood work came back better and my viral load was undetectable. I rejoiced, a little. I was still sick, tired, disgusted and truly hated where I was. Yes, there is good in prison but you can bet, you'll meet a lot of evil people. At the time, it was hard to endure but Jesus held my hand and walked me through the fire.
I was cleared to discontinue the treatment, successfully. Lisa, was not so fortunate. Her viral load was in the millions. She also folded under the pressure and intense setting of the Rehab Program and dropped out. At the time, I really didn't feel for her. I felt she didn't try hard enough. I was judgmental and didn't have the compassion or empathy, befitting someone, who has the weight of impending sickness and death, looming over them. I do now.
I pray for Lisa. I ask the Heavenly Father to show her the way, to administer healing, after all, He is the Great Physician. I ask, that he hold her hand and that she would be comforted by His presence. My God, is an awesome God and Lisa is a lost lamb. Jesus will find her and comfort her in this storm of a life. I believe that my prayers alone will be heard and my faith dictates that Jesus, the Shepard that He is, knows she is lost and dieing. May our Lord, show her mercy, may her faith be strengthened, come what may. I will try, continue to understand, all that you have taught me, my sweet Jesus, all the reasoning behind it. I will do my best to remain humble and have faith, that all things, are in your hands, my Lord. I ask for mercy, for Lisa and I ask for healing. She is lost, my Lord. Please find her. I ask all this, in Jesus/Yeshua's name. Amen


Miranda said...

You never cease to amaze me Babs. Your life has been a hardcore one, you're an amazing person for pulling through with such great strength. And you truly are an angel looking over Lisa.

~Babsbitchin~ said...

Miranda, I appreciate that. I am sorry I didn't know you commented. I don't know why some of the comments are mailed and some are not. It makes me crazy cause I have my email in the settings. I think with this, it was a realization that Lisa was suffering but I wasn't able to see it. I was in my own mess but I see it now and hope she is gonna be ok. Thanks g-friend!