Friday, March 23, 2007

A Prayer

Heavenly Father, hear my words. I ask for forgiveness, please wipe my slate clean and the slate of my children. Lord, I have done a lot of damage, to my children, my family. I was young and stupid and I lacked faith. I thought I could do it all alone and I didn't NEED you Lord. I was such a fool and I ask for your mercy and grace. I know that a person, who hurts a child, might as well place a millstone around his neck and throw himself in the sea. I ask again, for your forgiveness. I did not realize the true responsibility that Motherhood entailed. I am learning every day just how important, the role of the Mother is. You are the Great Physician, my Lord and I come to you and you only for healing of my family. I repent for all the things I have done to them, for all the wrong things I have taught them. I have ruined their lives and it is beyond all fixing by me. I come to you my sweet Jesus because I know that you may heal me, my children and my family. It is too big for me, it is overwhelming and worse than any plague. I am so sorry for the things I took for granted, the blessings I didn't count.
I know you are there my King. Just as I can not see the wind, you Lord are like the wind. I can not see you but I can feel you. I can not understand the cool breeze on a hot summer day but I have faith in it and I wait for it patiently. I want my faith to be just as that is, I want to expect your spirit upon the wind and I will patiently wait as you mend my sons. I will watch, hope and pray for you to blow through our lives and fix what is broken. I am broken Lord. I am sick with my sins. I grieve over my life. I cry out in pain from the depths of my soul. I ask you, my Lord and Master to heal me and my family. There is no other God, who shall I go to? It is you and I am a lost lamb. Save me my Master and begin the healing of my family. May the sins of the Father and Mother be exonerated. I know you died on the cross for my sins, not just everybody else's. I saw you on the cross and I could not look upon your Holy Face. But it was you Sweet Sweet Jesus. I know that, as I sat at your feet and watched as the blood trickled down, from your nailed feet, I watched it hit the dirt. It was then that I asked myself, could I allow my own son to go what you went through for me? Selfishly, I was grateful that I have never had to go through this as your own mother, Mary went through. But my Lord, I will and would die for you and if ever challenged, I pray that I may glorify your Name.
I have known you since I was a little child. The world tried to stomp out my faith but it is building and I know you are there. That is why I come to you, my Shepard and I ask for a healing of my family. Let the chains of abuse and addiction be broken. When they see us, let your Son shine through. May they know us as your children and may it glorify only You.
A new life, came into my family on March 21, 2007. Another little girl was born out of wedlock to my son and a woman who smoked pot the whole pregnancy. I ask you for forgiveness, for them. Forgive them for what they do not know. Forgive me for not teaching them better than they behave. I stand before you, convicted. I realize just how much I ruined others lives. There are no words to explain how badly I feel. I do not deserve to be forgiven but I ask for your forgiveness, I repent and I ask for healing. I am broken and bound by addiction. I ask for healing. Touch my family, Lord. Heal what I can not. I know you can do this. Seek and ye shall find. I seek you earnestly, Yeshua. You could have allowed me to die at the hands of Heroin but you allowed me to live. Let me right all this wrong. I could have died in that terrible car accident or by the hands of Hep C, as my husband already has. I deserve that death sentence and Prison was too good for me. I ask for you to commute my sentence. I stand before you Father and I ask for the faith to do the right thing with this time you have given me. I want to glorify Your Name and I no longer want to be a thorn in your side. I want to walk in your light and when they see me, they will no I am your daughter. Forgive me and heal me Lord. Forgive my children and heal them. I ask all this in your name, Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, Jesus my Lord, My Savior, my King. I will Let Go and Let God. Praise You Lord!

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