Thursday, March 22, 2007

Let Go and Let God

A little girl was asked how she learned to skate. She replied, "Oh, by getting up, every time I fell."

I have lived a hard life. I have seen too much and yet, not enough. Of course, all my life I had to learn things the hard way. The harder it happened, the better I learned. But I learned, that's the trick. People would love to throw my past, which I freely disclose, right into my face. It happens all the time. They judge me and in some ways, I can't blame them. If I told you, that I supported my heroin habit by stealing $375 of meat and merchandise a day, so I could turn around and sell it would you trust me? I knew what I was doing was wrong but I turned off the switch, my conscience. It's back on and I answer to a Higher Authority, now. I realize that it is so easy, not to do the right thing and I see people do it everyday. It's easy to twist the truth to suit ourselves and to explain away what is right. I had told myself that I had to steal, just to live. I never went to God during that struggle, until I finally cried out to him, standing on a bridge, ready to jump off. I had run from God and done my best to turn Him off. Even then, He forgave me. He knows my heart and he knew my heart when I cried out from the depths of my soul. He stirred the embers of faith and He picked my broken body, mind and spirit up and carried me right into Prison. Now, that sure wasn't my idea of help at the time. No, no, no, I dont' want to go to Prison. But I was able to get treatment for my Hep C, I was able to get away from an abusive husband and I was kept safe, behind Prison walls, away from drugs and their influence. My children had to become men. My husband had to get clean because nobody was supporting his habit anymore. I was good at enabling people and myself. I had a real criminal mind and forged prescriptions to feed my habit long before the heroin. So, safe behind the walls and Constantine wire of a Maximum State Prison, was just where God wanted me. It was there that my conscience was turned back on and it was there that I was able to understand faith. My faith has sustained me, in the fire I walked through. God held my hand though, I can see that now. So, when I pray now, it is often hard to let go and let God. No, I want things my way and I sure don't want but force my self to pray for His will to be done. I can look back and see His hand on all things and it has only strengthened my faith. He doesn't always give me what I want but he always gives me what I need. What do you need in your life and can you give the reigns to our heavenly Father and let Him take control over your life? Let go and let God!

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