Friday, February 23, 2007
I was young. I was a fool. Now, all I can do is ask for forgiveness.
I married my husband at the age of 16 and we had our first son, 9 months later. I went on to give him, two more sons. He was there for the birth of all three, in the delivery room, tears in his eyes. My husband loved me and I loved him. He was my best friend, you know, someone you could talk to for hours on end, go out and enjoy each others company. Yes, I was too young to know what love is but that statement in itself, is shallow. After all, what is love between a man and woman? I think it is something that evolves and multiplies and grows. Often times, a husband and wife can grow apart. I've seen it, so many times, after all, lust and falling in love with someone for their looks, will soon rear it's ugly head. Yes, it will rise up and smite you, showing you, what a fool you have been.
Love is so many things and I don't think there's a wedding manual in print that can tell you how to stay in love, except for one...The Bible. I don't know the statistics but I'd be willing to bet, that if a man and woman were married and followed the Word, down to the letter, well, the divorce rate would plummet.
Genesis 2:24: Becoming one flesh: The Bible discusses a man "cleaving unto his wife." "Cleave" is a translation of the Hebrew word "dabaq" which means to make a permanent alliance with (Joshua 23:12, Ruth 1:14, 2 Samuel 20:2). In its noun form, the word refers to soldering two pieces of metal together. Some theologians have suggested that this term refers to permanent actions -- those that cannot be undone. Thus, the passage implies that divorce is impossible. "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Simply stated, I do believe Satan carries a Cutting Torch, in his grimy tool belt. But if we read the Word and follow it, we can't go wrong.
I was warned by my parents, not to take my vows lightly. I was behaving worldly, you might say and showed a true lack of faith, when my parents told me to persevere with prayer for my husband. I prayed and then took it all back, all that I'd prayed for, by handling the situation on my own. We often, want what we want, when we want it, do we not? We have to have an instant fix for everything. We are not willing to wait and allow our heavenly Father, manage and heal the situation. A true test of faith, I failed this miserably. I may look back, in retrospect and see all this and more. I can see that I had a loving husband, who I'd lost respect for. I saw a man, lost in addiction and depression. Instead of praying fervently for the love of my life, I walked away. I left him to sit in his own mess and abandoned him. Not only did this man, no longer have a wife but I took his three sons from him. I saw them as mine, to do with, as I saw fit, never mind what he thought. Is opinion had lost ground with me, long ago.
I see this now, it is much like leaving a person, sick, on the side of the road. You wouldn't do it to a dog, would you? I did not understand addiction or depression and I had no compassion, much less empathy for our miserable situation. Since then, God has taught me all of this, empathy for addiction and depression as I became just as bad, if not worse than my husband. It started, not long after I left him and did my best to drown out all memory. At some point, I remember thinking I'd jumped from the frying pan into the fire, once I started a relationship with a very abusive man. My world began to really unravel as I lived every day in fear of being beat and down graded by a man who had basically taken me mentally hostage. I kept waiting for my husband to rescue me, to pull me from the flames of this hellish relationship, that I'd put myself in. It was not to be. My husband slipped further and further into his abyss, just as I did. He walked alone as he met deaths door, without a wife, not a single son, to here his last breath, hold his hand or tell him, that he was loved. It was too late but for the memories. For all this, I ask for forgiveness.
I learned from all this. It took me many years, to recover from my self-imposed hell. I'm still being healed, from it all. What did I learn?
I have to say, as I grew from a girl into a woman, I felt my husband treated me, like a daughter and not a wife. I had the mentality that "No man is gonna tell me what to do, I'm no little girl." But in a marriage, one which is a study in the Word, used as a wedding manual, I misunderstood many things. I twisted things in a contemptible fashion and told myself I would not be sub servant to any man. Now, I realize that every marriage, the woman must "submit" to her husband. There is a huge difference in those two words. I think we often confuse them and todays woman thinks they are intermingled. They most certainly are not and just as you submit to your husband, he must submit to the Father, he must answer to Him. It is clear to me now, that a man can not be without his wife and vise versa.
I now know, that faith is a factor, in all things. You must pray for your husband and your children, especially, if there is a problem. You must have unconditional love and pray fervently for answers. You must pray for wisdom to be a help, not a hindrance to your husband. If your husband is not behaving the way, you think as a Christian, he should behave, then you MUST pray for him. You must pray diligently, constantly and patiently. There is no marriage in which God did not bring you together. I think we take our vows less seriously than we should. When things don't go as we'd like them to, we just walk away. This is so wrong and it took me all these years and much heartbreak to realize this. If I had waited for God to heal our marriage, my life may have been so different. If I had prayed with a serious intent and with the faith that the heavenly Father would honor His promises, my marriage would have been healed, no if ands or buts, just fact based on faith. That Bible is your wedding manual. You must follow it to the letter and believe it applies to your life today. Hold on to the promises and cherish your vows. Take them to heart and if you find a rocky path in your walk together, don't run, don't bolt, don't give up. Simply pray, pray simply.
In Batya Ruth Woottens , book, "Mama's Torah," it explains the premise and approach, much better than I can. She has a wonderful approach, concerning submitting to and being a helper to your husband. You can find more about Batya and her, extremely informative book, here