Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Is it the sins of the father visited on his son? This is my son, Waylon's second child, to be diagnosed with CF. Two children by two different women, both with CF. Of course, I want to stomp my boots at heaven and ask why? At the same time, my faith dictates to me that the Father has the situation at hand, has his eye on these children. I have to believe that it is all for a reason. That doesn't mean it's not more than painful.
In my life, if I've learned nothing else, it's that all things happen for a reason. I pray that reason is revealed. I pray that we all have the strength to rise above this. I pray that Austen's Mother, Gwen, has the ability to relish everyday, with this child. I pray for her calm assurance, that the Father does have his hand upon the situation. I pray that this curse, of the sins of the father and mother are dissipated, banished from my children and theirs. I pray that we see the blessings in this. I also pray that we will recognize that we must place ourselves in the position to be blessed. With this said, I pray my son will do right by his son, all of his children and realize the entire situation. Please pray for Austen???
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The days of my youth are spent, gone. Now, I feel like a hull, a shell, nothing and it is only you, whom I may turn to. You are my Lord and Master, I know only to come to you. Without you and your love Lord, it is nothing but desolation. Please come to my assistance. Pull me from this pit, it is so dark and dank. Heavenly Father, I do not deserve your attention but I call upon you, once again. Please honor my prayers to you. Please hear my words and render assistance.
I am beyond ashamed. I am beyond sinful and I ask for your forgiveness. Please show me the way, the path I am to walk. open the doors you want me to walk through. Shine upon me and show me the way. I am stumbling and scared. I beg you, my Father, do not turn away. I cry out to you for your favor. Please hear my cries.
Bless my children and keep them safe. Bless me and mine and my grandchildren. Save my family and do not let the adversary win. I beg you, my Lord. Bring back the joy, that has so long ago been stolen from me.
I praise your Holy Name and I ask all this in Jesus' Name. Amen
Friday, November 09, 2007
Yes, I realize that Satan would love nothing better than to destroy me and if nothing else, make me believe my sin is so great that God looks upon me in loathe and disgust. He wants me to run from God, run far in all my shame. I know because I'd done it in the past. I ran so far, so fast till I was ready to kill myself. But before that could happen, I cried out, one last time for God to help me. It was a soulful cry, from the deepest region of my being and God knew I meant it.
That was 9 years ago and once again, Satan is trying to steal my thunder. He attacks me from every angle and does his damnedest to make me so ashamed. But I remind myself that Christ died for my sins, the ultimate sacrifice. And it wasn't just for everybody else but for me too.
The difference now, is that I can be grateful for this piece of wisdom. I can be grateful that the King of Kings, yes, my Lord, loves me and forgives me. I thank you sweet, sweet Jesus for your sacrifice. I ask for the joy back. I ask for your protection. I ask that you place your Angels around me and mine. I ask that you guide us, me, my children and their children and wives, the mother of their children. Allow this family to heal and know joy, the joy that can only be found, in your light. Amen
Sunday, November 04, 2007
One door closes and another opens, I see this. Let me always recognize this. Stay with me and my children, bless them and let them know joy.
I had come so far, only to fall so hard. Pick me up my Lord and help me recover. I praise your holy Name and I ask you to forgive me for my fall. I am weak, sick, close to insanity. Take my hand and walk with me, please Lord.
Place your Angels around my babies and watch over their families. None of us can hide our sin, least of all me and I do not want to run. Let me know you have forgiven me so I may rise above this all, this mess.
I need you Lord, I call your Name. I am lost, I have wandered off and I search for my Master. Where are you my Lord? Turn on your light Lord, it is so very dark. I can feel it, it comes for me. Do not allow it to win, please.
You are my only God and it is you, which I seek. I am so lost, please help me, please come for me. Find me Lord and let me know your love, once again. I am ashamed and Satan wants me to stay that way. At least I can recognize this. For whatever reason, you have allowed me to go through all this? You have mapped out my life and I have known this pain, all my life. Why can I not have the joy others have? I ask for your blessings and I ask for wisdom. I can not do this alone, my Lord, I need you. Please come to me now, heavenly Father and save me from this despicable situation.
I am a black sheep but I am your black sheep. I will shout it from the rooftops, that you are my Lord, my only God, the King of all Kings. I beseech you Master, to pull me out of this hole. It is so dark and I feel so alone. I cry out your name, my Lord. Are you there? Please tell me that you've not given up on me. Please tell me you've not just handed me over to the enemy? I am your daughter and yes, I have strayed. Please send your Angels to me and mine. Let me be led by your Spirit and guide me to the light.
This is my darkest hour, please turn on your light, please turn on your light? Amen
Friday, October 26, 2007
I've seen too much darkness, my Lord. I ask to walk in your light. I am so grateful for even the smallest things. So many things could have gone wrong but you choose to show mercy and protect me. For this and so many things, I am grateful. Yes Lord, it is very dark, as of late and I do not like it. I do not like my thought train or the negative feelings that come with it. Heavenly Father, it is you that I come to. There is no other God and it is you, I ask to hold my hand and lead me. Allow me to have that blind faith. Allow me to trust that everything will be alright. Lord, I know that you have a hand in all things good. I ask that you pull me from this pit of despair. Only you can do this, my Lord.
I want to be pleasing in your sight. I want you to be happy with me and say I am a good daughter. But I have not been and although I know I have choices, in all things, I feel forced. Lord, reveal the answers and walk me down the path which is pleasing to you. Heal me Lord and if you choose not to heal me, let it be to glorify your name. All these things, I ask, in Jesus Name. Amen
Monday, October 22, 2007
1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12 When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.
LORD, God, bless all people in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day....)
What we do in life echoes in eternity....
Friday, October 19, 2007
You are the Great Physician and if it's true, only you can heal him. My Father, I ask that it not be true and he will come out of this unscathed. He can simply learn an extremely valuable lesson. Please let it just be a test, a lesson, he desperately needed to learn.
I praise you, my Lord and I thank you for all my sons. You have been more than good to me. You have allowed my children to grow in to strong men, good guys, nice people.
Please allow this to be just a reminder of what we should be grateful for. Let it be just a lesson, as to why we should do our very best at living right. Let it be a wake-up call and nothing more. Let us live and learn.
I ask for your mercy, right now Father. You know my heart and I do not want your wrath, visited upon me or my family. And although we don't deserve it, please show us mercy. Please Lord, I beg you, please. Amen
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Please do not leave me here. Walk me through this, I beg you. I can not do this alone. I shout it to the roof tops that you are my Lord and Master, the King of all Kings. There is no other God before you. Hand down your wisdom. Give me strength. Allow me to walk in your light and show me the way.
I have no more tears, they are dried by the flames of this hell. Lord, there must be a reason, for all this. You know that reason and hopefully, one day, I too will understand what it is, you are teaching me. Until then, please help me understand, why I must endure all this.
I am grateful, for many things. My children have been watched over by your Angels and I am more than thankful. They have forgiving souls and they have shown even me forgiveness. What a wonderful thing, that they have turned out to be good people. No they are not worldly successful but they are basically good and caring people. I could not ask for more. I am grateful.
My Lord, show me the way. I walk in the dark and need your light lest I stumble. I praise Your holy Name. Praise You my Lord, praise You. Amen
Sunday, September 16, 2007
The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our
Monday, September 10, 2007
I had a huge fight with my little sister. I said some mean things, things I wish I could take back. I ask for forgiveness.
I thought I'd come so far, especially with my temper. Satan, you did not win the war, only a battle.
See Satan, I realize that you've tried to destroy me, all along. But I am a daughter of God and you will not win. Don't go away mad, just go away. You'd done everything in your power to pull me under but with God's help, I learned to swim in this cesspool of my life. With God's help and a hedge of protection around me, you are held at bay.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to stay by me. Let me walk in your light, let me seek and find the truth. Yes, as painful as it might be, I want to see the truth. I ask for your strength and wisdom, to do the right thing. I do not like to live lies nor do I ever want to be called a liar. It is not easy to live life on these terms, with this pain. It threatens to consume me and I lash out. I ask for your calm assurance. I ask that you guide me, lest I fall.
I have been ungrateful and stomped my boots. I've felt sorry for myself, something I perceive as a weakness. I ask to be strong again. I have so much to be grateful for and sometimes that eludes me. I am asking your forgiveness for that and I will try harder, to do the right thing. I think you know my heart. It is not black anymore and it is beginning to heal and turn pink. I ask for this continual healing. I ask for your guidance and wisdom, to do and say the right things.
If you are to use me, as a vessel of your truth, allow me to see it clearly and repeat it verbatim. It is my wish to walk in your light and not lead anyone astray. I am a blunder, a contradiction. Help me with this, my Lord.
I have a foothold, in both worlds. You know this but I want to fight the good fight, never shaming you or your Name. Help me to do this, sweet Jesus. Have mercy on me now. Have mercy on my sons, as they do not know what they do. Place it upon my heart, to realize the wrong I have done. Forgive me for it, allow me time to learn from it and help to make it right. They are lost souls. I did a lot of damage. Give me the time, to fix it, try to make it right again and bring them back to you.
It weighs on my heart, all this sin, guilt, shame. Allow me to rise above it, do not allow it to consume me. Let me know, that you have forgiven me. Give me the time, to do your will, your work. Direct my cause, direct my words, my writing, my answers. Do not allow me to lead them astray. Show me Your words.
Take my life and let it be righteous. You allowed me to go through so much, for what reason? You allowed my pain, to be seen by many. Let them see me overcome this pain.
Let me always hear the voice of the Spirit. That small still voice, let it be heard, to guide my way. I ask all this in Jesus Name. Amen
Friday, August 31, 2007
Lord, I am thankful for so many things. I'm grateful that Waylon was not really hurt, in his accident. I praise you for keeping that hedge of protection around him, as well as the rest of my family, children and grandchildren.
I had such a wonderful trip and am consumed with gratitude. I really needed it and throughly enjoyed visiting with family and friends. I praise your holy Name and thank you, so very much. Amen
Jesus is my Lord. The devil has no power over me. (Matthew 28:18; Colossians 1:13)
In Jesus' Name I bind you satan and forbid you to bother me in any way. (Mark 16:17; James 4:7)
No weapon formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17)
No evil or accident will happen to me. Neither shall any sickness come near me. God has given His angels charge over me to always keep me safe. (Psalm 91:10-11)
I fear no evil for You are with me Lord. (Psalm 23:4)
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. (1 John 4:4)
Christ has set me free from the curse of sickness. By His wounds, I have been healed. (Galatians 3:13; 1 Peter 2:24)
The Lord is my Shepherd. I do not lack. (Psalm 23:1)
My God is supplying all I need. (Philippians 4:19)
I am a child of Almighty God. He loves me and takes good care of me. (Matthew 6:32-33; 7:11)
The Lord is my Helper. I will not be afraid. (Hebrews 13:6)
I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13)
All things are possible to me. I have faith so nothing is impossible. (Matthew 17:20; Mark 9:23)
I am a forgiver. I am patient and kind. I walk in love. (1 Corinthians 13, Romans 5:5)
God gives me favor with people. (Acts 2:47)
Jesus has become my wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:30)
I have the mind of Christ. (Philippians 2:5)
The Spirit of truth lives in me and teaches me all things. He guides me into all truth. (John 14:26; 16:13)
The Lord gives me wisdom and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6)
God is for me. (Psalm 56:9)
Friday, August 17, 2007
As I lay there, praying at night, I realized that I am the fortunate one. Yes, I've lived a hard life but I learned from it or I'd like to think I have. I realized that I've never ran the streets naked, I've never really gone truly hungry and even if it wasn't luxury, I'd had shelter, over my head.
Even bigger than that, I've seen so much hurt in pain, especially in the eyes of parents, who'd children are really sick. I've been spared that, a pain I feel I could not endure. Yes, God has been good to me.
I've often been an ungrateful brat. I stomped my feet at God or more than one occasion and have not always been, a good daughter. But I feel his love and the more I look for the little things to be grateful for, the more I find.
I went to the Doctor's on 7/17 and disliked this woman from the start. I felt she'd not heard me, was impatient, seemed busy and pretty much, didn't care about me or my symptoms. My problems, especially the pain, threaten, often times, to pull me under. It is my pain, which launched me into the abyss of addiction. I must admit, it scares the hell out of me. So, I went to this pain specialist and felt a cold hard slap in the face or so it seemed. She seemed so abrasive.
I had to go back on 8/14 and did not look forward to it. See, I have the ability to think like a criminal and behave like a criminal. I have, in the past, took care of my pain, with drugs and drinking, the heck with Doctors, I could get them illegally, almost easier. But I'm trying to live my life, in a legal realm, think legally, behave better. I prayed that God would warm this Doctors heart. I prayed that this Doctor would hear me and help me. I felt I was at the end of the road, one step from falling.
Her demeanor, was as if she were a different person. This Doctor even asked me how I was feeling. She seemed genuinely concerned and willing to listen and help. God had changed her. I mean it was such a complete turn around, nothing short of a miracle. God is good, huh?
Tomorrow, I leave on my first vacation, actually, the only vacation, I can remember. I will fly into Pittsburgh, where my oldest son, will pick me up. He will then, take me to his home and I'll visit till Wed. Then, he'll drive me tow hours away, to Jamestown, N.Y. so I can visit, my other son, his wife and my two Grandbabies. Wed. night, we have reservations for10-15 people, who will meet us at my favorite restaurant and I'll get to see, my other granddaughter and great granddaughter, family and friends.
So much to be grateful for. Thank You Lord!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
We evolve, as Christians, when we begin to pray for others, instead of just ourselves and for strangers, instead of just our immediate needs.
I do believe in intercessional prayer. I believe that God does want us, to talk with him, to pray with him and to be in constant contact. Quite often, prayer is a pity party, when it should be celebration of our every day goings on. God doesn't want to hear from us, only in times of crisis.
I like to think of God, as Abba, my Father. A good father, would soon tire, if I only called him, when I was in trouble. He would soon tire of me, calling and only asking for favor, wouldn't He? Eventually, he might even tire, if the phone rang and caller ID said it was me, if all I did was complain.
I must and do try to improve my communique. Sharing in the little joys, from, thanking him for a good parking spot, close to the door, when it's pouring out, to an unexpected phone call, maybe from one of my sons, where I can hear the smile on his face, is the kind of joy, he wants us to share with Him.
I noticed God doesn't care, where I call him from, he never looses His patience with me because I call in the middle of business hours and it doesn't matter how late, even in the middle of the night. I can call him from the highest mountain, or the driest desert, I always have 3+ bars and a good connection.
As Christians, we are given free days, nights and weekends on our prayer phone. Call Him up and talk, all you'd like, unlimited calls, access and the call is never dropped, on His end.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Certainly one of my favorites...
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by product of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to Me.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
I often questioned, "Why me?" Had I not suffered enough? He chose to die on the cross for me. Did He say, "Why Me?"
Tested like Job...
I figured out, that from the moment we are born, we have choices. We have the choice to behave and mind our P's & Q's, be respectful and so on. But I think when it's all said and done, through all the years, it is a choice, of whether or not we will continue to seek the Father. He gave us free will. He tests us, He is the Great Teacher. Life is a set of choices, on that test, just like a multiple choice SAT.
When you're knee deep in your own feces, it's quite difficult to see yourself climbing out. But we are given the choice to do so but we often can't see it. When we are knee deep in it, if we seek the Father and ask for the choices, he will give them to us.
If nothing else, after years of living a tumultuous life, I can look back and see, quite plainly, that I had choices all along. I couldn't see them. I think they were hiding in plain sight. When I did seek the Father, they became evident but when I did things, all by myself, I messed it all up.
I mean I can look back and see, even when I was in my car accident, an accident which changed my entire life, at the age of 18 years old, that I had choices. That night, I chose not to wear my seat belt. After the accident, when I was in pain and fearful, it absorbed me. I blamed God for that accident and I began my run from him. Choices.
I believe he really wants me to rely on him and learn from those mistakes. I do something and can't see my way out of the dark. Even the smallest thing, I need to pray for His light. When I pray for that light, suddenly, I see the doors, that I did not see. It's all about the choice to seek His face.
May I always remember this, my cognitive moment. I praise you Heavenly Father and I ask for your favor, your blessings. I ask to see the choices. I ask for Your light...to guide my way. Amen
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I was at the foot of the cross, I saw your feet, nailed and I was all too aware of just how heinous that act was, it made me ill. They will call me crazy, I do not care. It was real, I was there and I will never forget it.
I did not understand and I even became aware of my anger, for you having to go through that for me. I did not understand and still do not. I can only thank you. Even that is not enough and I know, I must take up my own cross.
Would I be willing to allow them to do this exact thing to me, to nail me to a cross? I think I would falter and deny. I ask your forgiveness.
My faith needs restoration. I am more than aware, that I am not doing a very good job, with carrying that cross. Satan attacks me, just as he has, since I was a little girl. My faith was huge and he knew it. He hurt me Lord, do not let him get me again. I ask for your protection.
As painful as it was, to sit at your feet, I want to remember that feeling, allow it to spur me on. It was real. I could not look up, why is that? I seek your face and the day I can look you in the eye.
When I was a little girl, I was so full of shame. I can remember that my own Mother would tell me, she knew I was lying because I could never look her in the eye. I know that shame but I do not want it any longer.
I want that faith, the faith of a child. I have it, it is there, but the world tells me, that it is not real. I know it is real and I know at that moment, when I sat, crouched down, at your feet, it was real. My tears were as real as the blood, I saw dripping from your wound. It fell to the ground, I looked at it, as it lay there, on the dirt. I want to be covered in your blood, the blood of protection. I want to wear the armor of righteousness. I falter.
I must remember all those feelings and ask myself, why I could not look upon you, my Lord? I ask myself, if I would let them nail, my very own son, any one of them, to that same cross? I ask myself, if I would then deny you, to spare my own son? Would I allow, my own child, just as your Mother, Mary allowed you, to be so brutally beaten, scourged, mocked and then, nailed to a cross? Her faith, must have been stronger than her sorrow. Would I scream at you to deny the Father? Would I cry out your name and beg you to take all your words back? Would my sorrow, be stronger than my faith?
I want to be able to answer these questions, before I die. Please do not test me, my Lord. Let my faith build in another fashion. Let me learn, my way, your Word, from another subject. I could not bear, the pain of childbirth, only to experience the pain of their death or being hurt. Let me die first, so I may greet them. They will be scared, let me comfort them, in their last breath but from heaven. If I could do both, I would and I believe that you will allow me to be there, in spirit. I will stand on this belief.
Heavenly Father, my anxiety is killing me and my spirit. Comfort me, my King. Calm this storm and show me the answer. You know my heart, my immeasurable pain. Please father, I cry out to you. Restore my faith. I ask for that faith, I once had. I praise Your Holy Name, my sweet Jesus and I ask for your blessings. Amen
Monday, July 16, 2007
Monday, July 09, 2007
You always hear me, when I cry from my soul, when I am genuine, you do not forsake me. For this, I am forever blessed. I thank you Holy of Holies. Amen