Tuesday, December 26, 2006

WHAT IS YOUR RESOLUTION???

We all aspire to be better human beings but we do tend to fall short, don't we? Often times, we want to have a pure heart but we fall short on that too. I challenge you this very year to try to see people with a loving heart and "Through God's Eyes."
Try not to look down your nose or look the other way, when you see those "bums" on the street. Try not to watch in disgust when you see the junkie. Till you have walked in their shoes, you don't know what hell they are in. You don't know their story or what brought them to this point. No one wants to be that way. They have fallen into the Abyss.
There was a time in my life, when I really looked down my nose at people, in pure judgment. I had little compassion for my fellow man. What does it take to learn compassion and empathy? For me, it took losing everything.
"An untrained child is an orphan," I was told, by my Mother, as my life became unglued and I fell into the pits. Head first into the abyss of addiction, I fell so hard, I wanted to die. I'd been homeless, culminated a very serious addiction to Heroin, amassed a pretty bad criminal record in the mist of it all. Yes, I was taught compassion for all these savory types. Pain was my using agenda. I can remember though, as if it was yesterday, when I heard someone complain about there pain and I flippantly thought, "Hey, get over it." I thought a person just picked themselves up by their own boot straps and moved on. I was to find out, all about mental illness, addiction, homelessness and a real wish that I was dead.
As I stood on the bridge over looking the water, I watched as the ice jammed. I was so dope sick and as I got another stomach cramp, that almost knocked me to my knees, I had the urge to jump in to the water. I seriously, contemplated if it was cold enough to just freeze me and take me under. My tears were so cold as they fell upon my cheeks. It was so very cold and I had so far to go in one of the worst snow storms. I stood glued to that spot as I cried out for help from the very depths of my soul. "Please God, can't you see me suffer? I'm so tired, please help me, please." This wasn't a regular wish for a bag of dope to stave off the sickness, this was a true cry for help. My Lord heard me but it wasn't a gift wrapped up in a pretty box with a beautiful bow. No, he threw me in Prison and I was not happy about that, at all. It took me years to understand and I am so thankful because that is what it took for me to rise above this all, to learn real compassion and empathy where there was none. I was humbled.
Are you humble? What are you thankful for? What will it take for you to see?

2 comments:

RICH said...

wow!! very powerful post. There are many sides to you Babs.

I've been kicked while I was down and know how it feels. Kicked damn hard!!

Babsbitchin said...

Rich, sometimes that's what it takes. Actually, we'd be a better world, if we all got a kick in the teeth and we learned from it, remembered how it felt and understood why we were kicked, right?