Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Try not to look down your nose or look the other way, when you see those "bums" on the street. Try not to watch in disgust when you see the junkie. Till you have walked in their shoes, you don't know what hell they are in. You don't know their story or what brought them to this point. No one wants to be that way. They have fallen into the Abyss.
There was a time in my life, when I really looked down my nose at people, in pure judgment. I had little compassion for my fellow man. What does it take to learn compassion and empathy? For me, it took losing everything.
"An untrained child is an orphan," I was told, by my Mother, as my life became unglued and I fell into the pits. Head first into the abyss of addiction, I fell so hard, I wanted to die. I'd been homeless, culminated a very serious addiction to Heroin, amassed a pretty bad criminal record in the mist of it all. Yes, I was taught compassion for all these savory types. Pain was my using agenda. I can remember though, as if it was yesterday, when I heard someone complain about there pain and I flippantly thought, "Hey, get over it." I thought a person just picked themselves up by their own boot straps and moved on. I was to find out, all about mental illness, addiction, homelessness and a real wish that I was dead.
As I stood on the bridge over looking the water, I watched as the ice jammed. I was so dope sick and as I got another stomach cramp, that almost knocked me to my knees, I had the urge to jump in to the water. I seriously, contemplated if it was cold enough to just freeze me and take me under. My tears were so cold as they fell upon my cheeks. It was so very cold and I had so far to go in one of the worst snow storms. I stood glued to that spot as I cried out for help from the very depths of my soul. "Please God, can't you see me suffer? I'm so tired, please help me, please." This wasn't a regular wish for a bag of dope to stave off the sickness, this was a true cry for help. My Lord heard me but it wasn't a gift wrapped up in a pretty box with a beautiful bow. No, he threw me in Prison and I was not happy about that, at all. It took me years to understand and I am so thankful because that is what it took for me to rise above this all, to learn real compassion and empathy where there was none. I was humbled.
Are you humble? What are you thankful for? What will it take for you to see?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Mat 10:32 "Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven.
Mat 10:33 "But whoever denies Me before men, I will also deny him before My Father who is in heaven.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I believe in the power of prayer! I ask you for yours for my Granddaughter, Samantha Jean. Right about now, she is at the Hospital in Buffalo, N.Y. having an EEG, a brain scan test.
My son Bill, Samantha's father, has told me they are not sure why she "Spaces out." They are not sure why her speech is delayed. When she has these episode's, she sits and stares and often her arms and legs are moving but he says it's not really like a seizure.
I pray right here, right now, that not a thing is wrong with my Grandbaby. I pray if there is, The Great Physician heals her, as I know He can. Let it be, that she is a deep thinker, like her Grandma Babs and just gets excited about it from time to time. My Heavenly Father is an awesome God and I believe all this. I ask for your prayers for Samantha and your agreement in prayer. Amen
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
(Courtesy of my friend, Wysteria, who always inspires me!)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Chief YellowHawk's Prayer
O Great Spirit, Whose voice I hear in the winds,
and whose breath gives life to all the world,
hear me, I come before you, one of your children.
I am small and weak. I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes
ever behold the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect the things you have made,
my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise so that I may know the things you
have taught my people,
the lesson you have hidden in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength not to be superior to my brothers,
but to be able to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades as a fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame.
Chief Yellow Hawk
The life of an Indian is like the wings of the air.
That is why you notice the hawk knows how to get his prey.
The Indian is like that. The hawk swoops down on its prey; so does the Indian.
In his lament he is like an animal. For instance, the coyote is sly; so is the Indian.
The eagle is the same way.
That is why the Indian is always feathered up: he is relative to the wings of the air.
Black Elk (1863-1950)
Oglala Sioux Chief
Saturday, December 02, 2006
I have been beaten, raped, been a heroin addict, sent to prison and I shot my abuser. I was in constant turmoil, for myself as well as the things my children were subjected to and witnessed. For some reason, I did all my worrying and thinking at night, as I lay in bed. I was constantly drugged for many, many years, just trying to drown out the emotional pain as well as the physical pain that I endured. I would lay in the quiet of night and think and replay it all, over and over in my head. It would then carry on, into my dreams. I was tormented and often dreaded even going to sleep. I lay awake many nights, unable to sleep, the "Witching Hour," I called it. The nightmares would often stay with me throughout the next day, they were surreal and aboding. I do believe they had a huge impact on me. That's until I went to prison and began to read the Word, every night, in my bunk. It is never quiet in most prisons and where I was, everything echoed and was intensified. At one point my cell was located right across the hall from the Guards station. It seemed they partied every night and talked loudly, with no regard. Then again, I was a prisoner #OF6708 and I had no right to complain about the accomodations, did I?
I spoke with Pastor Dixie Welker, a wonderful,pleasingly plum woman, who was in our prison ministry. Pastor Dixie was a no frills straight to the point kinda preacher. She quickly became street/prison savvy and I do believe the Spirit led her to minister to us. She did not have it easy as you often had girls, who just wanted to get out of their cells and meet up with their girlfriends, who came to church. At one point, at the beginning of Dixie's appointment, at any given moment, you could look over and see two girls kissing and possibly worse. Once Dixie became privy to the goings on, she addressed it. She told us, she had nothing to say about homosexual behavior but had a nasty distaste for deviant behavior, especially in her church. If you were caught, in a deviant manner, you would be dealt with and possibly get a one-way ticket to the RHU, the"Hole."
Pastor Dixie, listened to me and made a life changing suggestion. "Read the Word before you go to sleep, it's like feeding your soul."
I've lived by her advice all these years and have not had one nightmare since. I also fall asleep praying. If it worked for me, it can work for you!