Wednesday, July 05, 2006


My husband lay dieing right now in the ICU in Arizona. I've not seen him for more than three years. We parted ways long before that when I went to prison and he moved on. When I got out, I met him briefly and saw that I had outgrown him. I was no longer in love with this man but I have a love for him and this hurts. I want to be there for him and can't. My first husband died alone of the complications of Hep C and now my second husband is in Renal shutdown, the last stages of his Hep C journey. This man did me real dirty. He beat me, ridiculed me and my children where there was almost no room for love as hate occupied most of that space. But I've mellowed and I would want to be forgiven, just as I am forgiving him now. I will call him here soon, hopefully he can speak. He goes in and out of cognitivity and recognition. I must tell him that I forgive him. And in all fairness, I'm sure he was hurt somehow too and will ask for his forgiveness. May God spare him any pain if it is his plan to take him and I pray for his soul. I pray that God sees fit to arrest this renal shutdown and give him another chance but I've been to this fork in the road before and it is indecisive and grim.

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread,
and forgive us our tresspassers,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom and the power,
the glory forever yours. Amen


me said...

I hope you're doing ok
(((( hugs ))))

that was beautiful

and your grandchildren are beautiful too

Babsbitchin said...

wys, God bless ya, you're a good friend and I pray fro the day I actually get to meet you!!
(((HUGS BACK))))