Saturday, February 25, 2006

MY HEART IS SCORGED


My granddaughter who've I've not seen since shortly after she was born, has Cystic Fibrosis. Kassandra Lynn Moore was born on August 4,1998 while I was in jail. I saw her shortly after I got out, in critical condition. They soon transferred her to Children's Hospital, where they were finally able to diagnose her. I went there and watched as she fought for air in a croop tent. It was a huge clear plastic tent that completely covered her and oxygen was pumped in but this is before they had made the final diagnosis. She moved her head back and forth trying to find the air she so desperatly needed. But she recognized her fathers voice. My youngest son Waylon was a mere 17 years old when he and Amanda, also 17 had this beautiful little girl, my first grandbaby. Waylon would stick his face right up against the plastic of Kassandra's little tent and call out to her,"Chubby, Chubby," his nickname for his first born. She would simply stop flailing her head and focus on him and smile. But she couldn't breathe and would go back to fighting for air. Thankfully not long after, these Doctor's after doing a salt test and other tests were able to figure out what was wrong. Cystic Fibrosis clogs the lungs with thick mucous which if not loosened will actually suffocate the child. They then had to pound on this poor little baby with a rubber cup,on her front and back to loosen the mucous. It was so horrendous to watch, it is the only thing that makes me cry even today as I write this. She also so a pancreatic enzyme disorder that goes hand in hand with this disease. Have the sins of the father visited the daughter?
Young love such as their's rarely lasts and they quickly outgrew each other and things got ugly. Amanda knew I was a heroin addict but what she didn't know was that when I got out of jail Aug.31,1998, I'd already kicked heroin,by the grace of God and never did it again. But I,along with my son, Waylon had poisoned her image of us and she made it clear that she wanted nothing to do with either one of us. I hear through the grapevine that Amanda is with someone else supposedly an hispanic guy who sells crack and they've had a child of their own. Kassandra, from what I'm told is a resented piece from Amanda's past, a past with a boy named Waylon, my flesh and blood. What to do?
I often cannot breathe myself, in fact almost everyday I suffer with this. It may be from the anxiety disorder I've been diagnosed with. It may be because Of my Thoracic Outlet Syndrome where the Doctors took the 1st rib and an abnormally large rib that was grown into my lungs and removed them along with the lung tissue attached. They moved the subclavian artery and the nerve, sewed me up and sent me on my way. It often feels like a weight is set upon my chest. I think of Kassandra then. Is she struggling to breathe and it often becomes so painful to think about that I run from it, it cuts that deep. My heart is scourged. Selah
I ask for your prayers, if you read this. I believe in divine intervention and I believe in the Angels who must be there for this little girl, my grandbaby with MY eyes. I ask a simple prayer of healing, in all respects of this terrible situation. I ask for a healing and warmth of Amanda's spirit, warm her heart, allow her to forgive us. But most of all I ask for prayer for Kassandra, an innocent child, who is paying for the sins of her father. Waylon is a kind soul and has grown up so much. He is at this very moment in time seeking wisdom and guidance from our heavenly Father. He stated to me today that his life must change and a guy gave him a tape, "Covered in the Blood." It came at a time when he needed it the most. See it's the little miracles that are sometimes the biggest. I pray for the healing of my family, all my sons and ask God to forgive me for the wrong I did to my to my sons. They too have paid for the sins of their father AND mother, drug addicts. My heart is scourged. Selah
I pray that my children and their children can be spared any more pain caused by me. I believe that with God, all things are possible. May we all listen and recognize the voice of our Heavenly Father just as Kassandra stopped and listened to her fathers voice. May we listen and hear. May we be comforted. May we be forgiven. I ask all this in Yeshua's name. Amen

Friday, February 24, 2006

True Christianity


ThePittsburghChannel.Com
7:44 a.m. EST February 24, 2006

PITTSBURGH - An armed man who robbed a store on Liberty Avenue in Bloomfield may have been apprehended, police said. Thomas Balistrieri, 29, was arrested on Thursday night. Authorities believe he might be the man who encountered Mary Madalyn Schleifer at Sacred Heart of Jesus Store earlier in the day.

"I went behind the counter and he pulled out a nice little gun, and I lifted his cap and asked him why he was doing this," said Schleifer.

Schleifer, who calls herself a lay Passionist, turned over the cash. There wasn't much, since she had just opened for the day. "I told him Jesus loves him, despite his habits," she said.

After he left, Schleifer called police and said a prayer.

"I just feel bad. I think he's in trouble with drugs," Schleifer said. "I don't think he really wanted to do it, but he did do it. We'll just pray for the young man."

Schleifer said she was just glad no one was hurt.

"I'm out of $30," she said. "But God will provide, right?"

Authorities think the same man may have held up two other stores on Liberty Avenue earlier in the week.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

I'M THANKFUL FOR THIS SONG


Every single day I walk the line between good and evil, slapped around sometimes by hurt and shame.Although I'm still very,"STREET," I still strive to be a good person. Every day I get stronger and as I learn new things, I try to incorporate them into my life. Easier said than done. One of my famous quotes is, "while you can take a person off the street, it's extremely hard to take the street off the person." Meaning, that most of us who were criminals and addicts have to have serious behavior modification. When you get clean, you still have addictive behavior and habits. You can only stay cleaan if you are able to realize this. Most of all though, and I don't care what anybody says, there is a constant war for some of us between good and evil. But when I go into battle or feel it coming on, I try to listen to this song by Mindy Smith called, "Come to Jesus." I've even noticed when I'm in that inner turmoil, I'll see the song on my play list but will purposely bypass it. That's Satan, straight up, telling me, You don't wanna hear that crap." But let me tell you something...few songs such as this have ever made me FEEL the Holy Spirit, walk right up, grab me by the hand and say, "Come to Jesus, let Him hold you in His arms."

Monday, February 20, 2006

More Family I am Grateful For



These are pics of my brother and baby Hondo when he was a newborn and Stine, my sister-in-law with Hondo at one of their GreasyComb Distribution Shows.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

I'M JUST GRATEFUL TO LEARN THIS LESSON

Dart Test...

THIS IS A POWERFUL MESSAGE. PLEASE READ ALL OF IT. I AM PASSING IT ON BECAUSE I AM CERTAINLY NOT ASHAMED TO DO SO.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking...
A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr.Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr.Smith said only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me."Matthew 25:40.No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ. This is an easy test; you score 100 or zero. It's your choice!!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

ALWAYS GRATEFUL

I'm truly grateful for my lil' sis, Traci. I live with Traci here on Long Island and look after her son, Ryan.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Eyes

Eyes
Want to see God at work in peoples lives,well take a look at this. I've not visited my fellow blogger Sharine @ Eyes in sometime. I've been busy gettingmy car, license, working on my book, just a million things. Today, I had less than five minutes to burn and Sharine's blog popped into mind. There she has dedicated a lesson in love, a kind word I needed to hear at this exact moment in time. Thanks so much Sharine and God bless!
GOD IS GREAT EVERY DAY, ALL THE TIME, EVERY MOMENT, EVERY MINUTE.

Friday, February 03, 2006

WORD FROM ON HIGH!!




Today is the day I take my drivers test. They took my license from me in 1998, suspended for failure to pay fines for speeding tickets and drug charges. Then I went to prison and I'm just now getting my act together. But I've not driven till recently and I feel ok except that dog gone parallel parking. So I emailed Mommy this morning and I said:
OK, today's the big driving test. I could use some extra prayer that the Angels do the parallel parking cause I've not practiced too much. Satan would like nothing more than to discredit me and keep me in a miserable position. PLease pray, thanks.
Love Always,
Barbara

Mom's email back is just awesome:

Here is the word of the day for you, and it comes straight from on High:
“I know the plans that I have for you, Barbara' declares the LORD, 'they are plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. I will give My angels charge concerning you, to guard you in all your ways. They will bear you up in their hands, that you do not strike your foot against a stone, bump another car, or hit the curb” (Jer 29:11; Psa 91:11-12).
He also said that you should laugh about the day and keep your eyes on Him. (He likes to have you look at Him because He loves you so much. I know, He told me so Himself.)
Vroom, Vroom. You go girl!
Hugs,
Mom

Just thought maybe you guys could appreciate a cool Mom that always knows what to say when you feel like you're between a rock and a hard place. I guess I didn't realize that the Rock Is God and he's got my back!

UPDATE:

I PASSED THE TEST

GOD IS GOOD, EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME!!

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

SO GRATEFUL STILL


My Father, Micky O'Dwyer and my step-mom,
Teri O'Dwyer-Kemp. Teri gave my father two wonderful sons before he died, Brian and Steven O'Dwyer. Teri has since remarried a great guy, Jim Kemp. My father couldn't have picked a better guy to pick up where he left off when he died.